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Optomistic Lemming

There’s a great scene in the movie ‘(500) Days of Summer’ where a split screen demonstrates the intersection of expectations and reality. They meet and right when it seems as if they might merge on the same path, they often go their separate ways…..

And so it was with the expectation and reality of my New Year resolutions: They did their meet and greet and almost hung out for a week or two;  though, I suppose it would be more accurate to say that they just discussed getting together. They met at the threshold and exchanged numbers, but reality is screening my calls.

What I’m trying to say is, I’ve not been sticking to my New Years resolutions. Hell… I can’t even remember what they are!

Statistically speaking, I am a lemming. Scan the Internet for various New Year resolution stats and you’ll find that around 90% of all optimistic reolution-ers do not follow through with keeping their resolutions. People can talk the talk, but to walk the walk would mean exercise and that my friends holds the number one spot on most resolution lists (exercise more)…. which means it’s not going to happen!

You might think the blog entry ends here, with my weeping whimper of defeat…. BUT NO! I’m going to go and review my list of resolution’s and come up with a plan-o-action. BRB!

I’m back.

Shit.

This is not going well.

Don’t believe me?? Please join me in taking a little look at the dueling Expectation Vs. Reality of my 2010 New Year’s resolution’s:

In the left corner, you will see Expectation, weighing in at 121 lbs., very svelte… yet curvy and optimistic. In the right corner…., please say hello to Reality! Reality weighs in at 133, remarkably curvy…. less svelte, but still optimistic.

Expectation and Reality shake hands and they’re off!!

Expectation:

Walk the dogs AT LEAST 4 times a week!!

Reality:

I’ve walked the dogs four times….. in the last three weeks.

Expectation:

Cook a REAL dinner at least once a week!

Reality:

I just loaded my freezer with frozen dinners.

Expectation:

Lose 10 pounds

Reality:

Make that 13 pounds, since I’ve gained three pounds since writing the list!

Expectation:

Read more…the old school way!

Reality:

I’ve put a stack of books on my bedside table. They need dusting.

Like I said before: shit.

I AM NOT A LEMMING….. I am NOT a lemming….

To be continued…

Why New Years Resolutions Suck Godzilla’s Yoo-hoo

The clock struck midnight and my mind was a flutter: a new year… a clean slate…. now what??

I knew that the New Year’s celebrations brought with it the moral obligation to complete a promissory note of self improvements to be done in 2010. I decided to be like Scarlett Ohara and put it off until the next day. January 1st came and went, as did  January 2nd through the 15th. I did my best to procrastinate writing my perfunctory glorified to-do list because I knew I had to come up with something good and different. I did not want to write the same-old-droll-boring-crap resolutions that I always write. Actually, I would have been happy to leave my unwritten list in a resolution’s purgatory had it not been for my boyfriends little nudge to get it done. And now that it’s been written, I’ve been cursing myself for not writing in any loop-holes!

What did I come up with? Let me show you:

Sandy’s New Year’s Resolution’s for 2010:

1.Walk the dogs ATLEAST 4 times a week!!

2.Cook a REAL dinner at least once a week!

3.Lose 10pounds

4.Actively submit articles for publication with the goal of having one published each month.

5.Read more…the old school way!

A nice little list, yes?? NO!!No, it is not a nice little list. It was while walking my dogs IN THE RAIN that I decided New Year’s Resolution’s are timed all wrong.

Let’s think about this,shall we??

What are typical New Year’s Resolution’s? Dieting, budget better, quit drinking, quit smoking, save money, take a trip,go back to school, change jobs,volunteer more…. I’m sure I might be leaving out some obvious choices, but these are good enough to prove my point. My point being: January is a stupid month to start any of these listed items!

Dieting? What about all the Christmas candy that played gift filler? Am I to just toss it? Do I save it for next year’s pre-season brouhaha’s? Or, do I save it for Halloween and hope the kids at my door are so candy hungry that they overlook the happy fat guy with the red suit on the wrappers??No! It’s sacrilege to toss Christmas candy…. for it is written…. (somewhere) that tossing Christmas goodies is sinful, unless of course it’s a fruitcake (which is mandatory re-gifting).

Better budgeting? Two words: Tax season. There is nothing like starting a race at the finish line of your last race to put a kink in your stride. And do you really think taking a grown-up security blankie away during the tax season is a great idea?Banning security blankies (i.e.: cigs and wine)during January through April is just mean. Give it back mommy, give it back!

The bottom line: timing is everything, and for New Year’s resolutions the timing is just plain wrong. January is a suckie month to start anything that is not cold related. Build a fire in January! Drink some hot cocoa in January! Buy a sweater to hide those extra holiday pounds in January! However, no, no, NO…. do not start your resolution’s in January!

AND just like that…. it came to me, the beautiful loop-hole I was looking for. It occurred to me that when I wrote my New Years Resolution’s, I did not state if I were talking about the calendar year or….. the FISCAL year! So now it seems as if I have given myself an extension…. because given the choice of starting in January or waiting until July,I think I’ll choose July!! 😉