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moodiness and pregnancy

Feeling Lucky

For the past 13 weeks and one day I have been “cautiously optimistic”, tempered with a lot of fear. Though I got off easy with the first trimester symptoms (morning sickness, what’s that???) I think those around me would have traded in my crabbiness for my having a few pukes in the toilet.


13 weeks! This is the last week of my first trimester and in one week the “honeymoon of pregnancy “starts. Isn’t that the magical period that brings back my energy, when I will make less bathroom trips (hallelujah!), and most importantly: miscarriage rates drop significantly. WHOOT!!!


I feel so amazed and blessed that I’m actually knocked up and it’s sticking. When I revisit the statistics, the ones that talk about the percentage rates of woman who get pregnant after having a tubal ligation reversal, then combining those rates with the statistics of woman of a certain age (cough40cough), not to mention some other unmentionable fertility factors….. It just makes me feel like I should have had sex AND played the lottery on THAT fateful night.


I still feel fear, but it’s not nearly as strong as it was for the past several weeks. It still feels unreal. Sure, I’m getting “bigger” and starting to show, but instead of feeling pregnant, I just feel fat. Though don’t you dare insinuate that I’m fat, because I’m hormonal and won’t take kindly to it! Only I’m allowed to imply I’m anything other than svelte. I think that’s in the pregnancy rule book, somewhere.


The biggest change since my last blog entry is my newly acquired Doppler. How cool is that?!?!? I won it off an auction on EBAY. Now, despite not being able to feel the baby yet, I sure can hear it! And no, I am not OCD’ing my heartbeat checks! You’ll not find me checking the heartbeat a dozen times a day, most of the time it’s just once a day that I take a quick listen and that’s enough to keep me feeling tranquil.


I think most people at my work know I’m pregnant, if the stares at my stomach are any indication. I suppose at some point I’ll wear some sort of “I’m not fat, I’m pregnant” tee-shirt and squelch any remaining doubts on the curiosities of my expanding waist line.

Does this pregnancy make me look phat??

Today I’m 10 weeks pregnant. I’m still holding my breath. A week from today is our next doctors appointment and we’ll get to hear the baby’s heartbeat for the first time. There is a fear inside me that when we go, the doctor won’t hear anything and we’ll be told that the baby stopped growing. I will have momentary rushes of peace and a feeling that everything is going to be alright…. but then my neurotic side takes over and become the nay-sayer of “what if’s”. I wish I could bitch slap my neurotic side, I really do.

Meanwhile, my energy returned somewhere near the end of week 8. I had a very brief period where I flirted with nausea, but it really never turned into anything. At this 10 week mark, the most obvious “symptom” I have is extreme mood swings. Everything irritates me or makes me want to cry. For example:

HIM: Are you irritable today?

ME: Are you going to ask me that every day?!?

HIM: Well….are… you…??

ME: WELL, I am now!!

My clothes are beginning to scream at me. From an expanding bosom, to a waist that is pushing the limits of my jeans…. I am seeing CHANGES. My closet is now full of clothes that no longer look appropriate on me, unless I’m trying to pull off the stripper-tight look. I have dabbled in maternity clothes shopping, but I’m still too scared to commit. What if this pregnancy doesn’t take?? I can’t stand the thought of being stuck with a bunch of maternity clothes. So instead of full out shopping, I have bought a few items on the cheap off the internet, at a consignment shop and from ROSS.

Physically I feel great at the moment, which is really freaking me out…. which doesn’t help my irritability! I am counting down the minutes until next Thursday and hoping hoping HOPING that we hear a thump-thump-thump-thump thump. Until then, WATCH OUT…. don’t look at me wrong…. because I’m in a mood.