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cougars having babies

Balloon. Needle. Pop.

I get an IM today that potentially changes everything. It went something like this:


HIM: Did you know that the free IVF is going to cost $5000??

ME: WHAAAT?!

HIM: Yea, that’s not exactly free…

ME: I knew we’d have to pay for some test, but I thought my tests were going to cost somewhere in the range of $1600 out-of-pocket.

HIM: Yea, but you didn’t include my tests…

ME: Your tests???

HIM: The semen analysis costs $2000

ME: It’s going to cost you $2000 to watch porn and catch it in a cup?!??


This baffles me because yesterday, during the consultation, there was little said about all of these hidden costs. In fact, it wasn’t until they started telling me all of the appointments I was to schedule on this coming Friday and Monday that they started throwing prices in the air. I’d catch a $250 here and a $450 there… all the while scribbling each figure down. That’s how I came up with the $1600.


HE is, apparently, a bit more savvy than I…. since he decided to call and clarify the costs….. and that’s where my blissful-baby-bubble went POP.


So, the hard cold facts as we know it is now this: FREE = somewhere between $4000-5000… give or take $500. AND that $4000-5000, give or take $500, is BEFORE we’re even accepted into the FREE program.


GAH! I know it’s not a “gimmick” because it was a real facility, at a real hospital ,with real doctors and shiiit. However, it was definitely misleading. I wish that they’d spelled it out BEFORE the $288 consultation…. even in the small print, because I swear- I would have read it…. word for word.


So what to do. What to do.


I think I’ve already established that we do not have the bank roll of Celine Dion and we’ve already broke into saving to pay OUT OF POCKET to have my tubal ligation reversal surgery. OUT. OF. POCKET. Yea, and out-o-pocket ain’t cheap!


The “FREE” was appealing…. a bit blinding to the 40-year-old-my-eggs-are-numbered-me…. But at the end of the day, I’m a pretty realistic woman. Though I’m emotional as the next “infertile” woman, I am also a realist. I can’t NOT think about how IF we spend the $4000-5000 and NOT get accepted into the program, we’ll be out $4000-5000 and have NOTHING to show for it except maybe some numbers on a piece of paper…. numbers that will just confirm that I’m a 40 year old woman who is of “advanced maternal baby making age….”


This depresses me. I fully understand that this baby-less state that we find ourselves in is solely due to my age. HE could go out and hook up with numerous other woman out there his age and BOOM….that 30 year old chick is knocked up. But with me…. well, it’s just not happening.


Having progeny is important to him. I get that. I did that. I LOVE love LOVE that I have a mini-me running around on this planet…. and I want to be able to give that to him too. I want him to experience how wicked cool it is to look at your child and see yourself in them.


For me, it is this baby making thing that is the hardest thing about dating someone younger than I. Because….. like I said before, I’m the one and only glitch… the 40 year old baby making faux pas… among the two of us. And that is totally and utterly depressing.


We’ve decided to put off deciding if we’re going to beg out until later tomorrow afternoon. But I don’t think I’m going to hold my breath on this one….


Balloon. Needle. POP.