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Two Cents From a Buttinsky….

Perusing the various internet forums is a voyeuristic experience. Well, maybe not if you were at a site that was discussing electronics or gardening….. but baby making? GAH! Baby making sites have some serious boundary issues! You will hear all amounts of sorted details from a couples private life. During a recent visit, I couldn’t help but wonder if the husband knew that his wife is telling everyone that they missed the ovulation time frame because he “couldn’t finish”…

In addition to knowing where every women is in her monthly cycle and just how often every couple on the site are doing IT, there is actually something a bit more disturbing to be witnessed. Over and over again I will see women who are self-prescribing everything from taking over the counter herbal progesterone, to buying unprescribed Clomid off the internet. Not trying to be the naysayer, but I can’t help but ask: how many women are unwittingly dooming their own fertility by taking something that their body might not need??

Blood test ladies…. BLOOD TESTS! Unless your name is Superman, prefixed with “Dr.”, you’re not going to know what’s going on in your inner regions without getting a BLOOD TEST. Just because something is herbal, doesn’t mean it can’t mess with your hormonal balance and unless you know what your hormonal levels are, you don’t know what, if anything, needs tweaking.

But I get the frustration that might lead a woman to trying to do it on her own…

When I wanted to find out about where my fertility life-span was in the big scheme of things, to see if it even had a pulse still, my gynecologist said, “my advice is that you should have started on baby making yesterday…” and since at that point I would need a tubal ligation surgery, he added that I’d have to find a doctor that was familiar with the procedure, because he was not. NO referrals were giving, I was just on my way with the reinforced panicky feeling that I was starting a day too late. Not finding any real answers there, I decided to take my question to my regular doctors office, where I was told “this is not my area of medical expertise, but I’ll certainly order the tests, but I won’t be able to advise you on the results….” A year-ish later when I finally took the test results to a fertility doctor, he said my numbers looked good and everything was within normal ranges.

So yes, I totally get the frustration, my gawd I am still frustrated with the lack of hand holding that I’ve experienced. I’ve already bemoaned the fact that I’ve not been able to find a doctor that makes me feel confident about any sort of fertility-plan-o-action… But I do know that there are doctors out there who are willing to supervise the whole process. I’ve come across women on sites who have them. But, it seems to me, the vast majority of us out there do not have that sort of doctor.

I’m a little to A.D.D to start coming up with my own plan. My brain won’t stop thinking and questioning everything. My brain can be like a worry-wart juggler of facts who, when it’s all up in the air, is too concerned with dropping anything and can’t fully concentrate on just one thing….put too much in there and my worry-wart brain freaks out. SO, I try and keep it simple. Maybe this A.D.D self is what has kept me from trying to do my own self-prescribing….. because I’m a worry-wart-cluck-cluck-chicken.

And now, here I am, worrying about the other women out there! If I were to be able to offer some of the women out there some unsolicited advice, just because I’m feeling like a buttinsky, I’d tell them to go and get blood work done! Just because Mariah Carrey took progesterone and had acupuncture, does not mean it’s a cure-all-baby-making-plan for all women.

ANYway… that’s my two cents.


If someone were to ask me if I were accident prone, I’d whole heatedly deny it. But then, if they persisted and asked a few more questions, there might be doubt cast on my denial.

Question : Have you ever been in any jarring event, something that snaps your neck or body??

Answer: Um, I’d like you to meet LOLA and LULU… my two chocolate labs. Every walk with them has a snap-crackle-pop!

Question: Have you ever fell??

Answer: You mean like down the stairs?? There’s been….. a few times.

Question: Have you ever been in a collision?

Answer: Well, not a car wreck, if that’s what you mean.

Question: Have you ever collided with something other than a car??

Answer: Yes, my vacuum cleaner.

Question: Your vacuum cleaner?!?

Answer: Yes. A few times.

Question: How did you collide with your vacuum?

Answer: While vacuuming the stairs… what goes up, must come down….. OH WAIT, now that I think about it, I WAS in a car accident. I totaled my car. Forgot about that one.

Question: Have you ever had a sports related injury?

Answer: Define sport…

Question: Any activity while you were being active….

Answer: Well, I shot off the back of a treadmill once… oh wait, I think that happened twice. And then there was the time I went snow boarding

Question: How is your desk at work?? How do you sit?? Are you ergonomically correct??

Answer: Um, pass…. Next question….

AND the list could go on and on…. IF I were to be asked the right questions.

Sooooo, guess who had a chiropractic appointment today?? And guess who is totally outta whack and misaligned. Yes, that would be me. For a couple weeks my neck has been wound tighter than the inside of a golf ball (that would be reference to a golf ball from my childhood, they might have different stuff in them now). Coincidentally, a friend suggested that I go to a chiropractor for fertility and it was on my list of things to do. So, even if my neck wasn’t messed up, I was planning on making my way to an office soon. Wouldn’t it be wild if I wind up pregnant this month?? I mean aside from the fact that IT WOULD be wild, but you know what I mean. WHAT I’m trying to say is that I’m a bit woo-woo…. and I find myself with this reoccurring neck issue, one that has been coming and going for a few years. But this time it’s sticking around with no relief in site, so much so that it’s making me turn to chiropractic care sooner than I would have done. And what do I find, that my whole lower back, in addition to my upper back and neck, are totally messed up!

Yes, yes… I can hear the skeptic out there saying “it’s a sham, of course they’re going to say you’re messed up…” BUT, to those nay-sayers…. I point out the above question/answer section. I do not exaggerate! And all that jarring had to do something, right??

I suppose, in the end… the pee stick will do the talking. I either will be greeted with one line, or two. AND no matter which one greets me, at least by then I’ll have a happy neck. I hope.