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A day in a life…

Strippers and Boxes

Part One: In Between Days

I’ve moved again.

I hate packing and moving, but I’m damn good at it. They say practice makes perfect…. and yeah, I’ve had my practice. When I was a child we moved a lot. We moved so often it made army brats look sedentary. It made witness protection hide-ee’s look exposed. It made Harold Hill* look like he had an office job. In all of my childhood life, I think the longest we stayed anywhere was for a total of 3.5 years.

(*Music Man…. You know?? 76 Trombones? Gary Indiana? Oh gawd, tell me you’ve seen this musical and are not devoid of all culture!!)

This go around it happened fast. I had not really been looking to move, though I had my peripheral vision alert to any great housing deals. About three weeks ago I found one.

I do not like chaos, nor do I like that “in-between” feeling that goes along with moving….I like to feel settled. It was the motivation to get through the chaos and in-between that lead to my frenzy style kick-arse move.  Sonora and I threw together boxes, purchased big black bags, and went to filling them up with our “things”.  During this time, if it broke… then that meant one less thing to move and unpack. I’m shocked that my subconscious didn’t trip me and send some of the heavier and over-loaded boxes flying… I sort of wish it had!

When, finally, the house is clear… the cleaning starts. This is wear the nostalgia decides to join in and hang out for a bit, watching with you when you see the “wear and tear” created by your occupancy. No, we didn’t trash the place like a rock star… it was the everyday living that inevitably leaves a mark. The house was an older one, no doubt seeing a slew of tenants through out the years. Which dent, stain, or planted bush did they leave as their fingerprint? As I vacuumed, dusted, and scrubbed the hell out of the place… I came across Sonora and my fingerprints. A stain created on the stairs when I took a glass of wine up to my room a little sloshed over the side along the way.  I was tired and vowed to clean it up the next day… but never got around to it.  How many times did I go up the stairs and think to myself that I should take care of that spot, only to reach the top and forget about it once again. Sweeping resulted in a pile that summed up my very existence: dog hair and coffee grinds.

And so it went, through every room I cleaned, I took note of our fingerprints and had flashbacks of the days we spent occupying the house.

It is anxiety that joins in with the wait for the phone call from my old landlord to tell me when he’s going to arrive for the final walk through. The final walk through is a very private show and tell, where all your deeds are laid bare for the perceptive eye. The clean oven either reveals that I am exceptionally great at cleaning, or I don’t really cook. The patch walls reveal that either I have a bad aim, or I tend to drink while I hang pictures. The amount of holes patched in the wall also reflect a certain amount of indecisiveness and could even hint to my being a bit of a commitment phobe.

But what about the strippers? The titled indicated there would be strippers floating about this blog. Ah, yes… true. I did brazenly pull in the audience with the lure of strippers.

Part Two…. Silicone Valley

I want to be a cool girlfriend, truly I do. When I found out that my boyfriend of eight months was to going to be going to a strip club for an up and coming bachelor party… I thought to myself, “Sure, I’m cool with this… it’s a guy thing. It’s been happening throughout the ages.”

I envisioned my coolness with practiced repartee:

Boyfriend (BF for short): Going to a strip club for a bachelor party.

Cool Girlfriend (CGF for short): Oh how fun!

BF: If we find one that doesn’t serve alcohol they strip all the way and get totally naked.

CGF: Oh wow, you’ll get to see bush… or lack there of, since I’m sure they’re all pristinely shaved for your viewing pleasure. LOVELY! I’m excited for you!

BF: They give lap dances, though I probably wont get one.

CGF: Wow! You mean you’ll get to have a firm and naked body, that is not mine, wiggle her shaven parts on your manly parts? Oh JOY!! That will be brilliant, no doubt!

(Well, I’m not implying that my body is firm… but I can get naked.)

BF: I’m not really into that sort of thing, I’m just going to hang out with my friends.

CGF: I totally understand. You have to do it for your friends…. take one for the team and all. It’s in the name of matrimony and commitment! Enjoy! I’m so excited for you. Here, the first lap dance is on me. But if she’s totally naked, where do you stick the dollar….

Like I said before, I really wanted to be the cool girlfriend. REALLY, TRULY, and FOR REALS.  But… I just didn’t have it in me to be happy about his ogling breasts other than mine. I tried to psych myself up for it. Persuade myself into the cool way of thinking. But damn it, it just had me thinking more of the ogling, parading, and soliciting that would surely make up the evening.

My advice to the men who go out and participate in the bachelor party traditional debaucery: If your girlfriend is uncool like me, cut her some slack. You got to go and do your thing DESPITE your girlfriends distaste of the whole event. You got your free pass of indulgence under the guise of the almighty Bachelor Party. I’d say that’s worth a little bit of kissing up the next day!! My gawd, you just spent an evening staring at other womens nether regions! Suck it up and play nice with the woman who lets you stare at hers for free!!

Drive-in, not out!

As we drove past the pay booth the sign read something about $15 per car containing two people and $20 per car containing three or more people.

No limit…. did you catch that?? I do believe that if you read between the lines, this is an undeclared challenge!! How many people can you fit in your car?? Think: clown car. Think: sardines. Think: if I fit enough people in my car, this is only costing me fifty cents to see a movie!! Friggon hell, that’s even better than Redbox!!

The reason that I give this five stars is NOT because of the state of the art equipment, because frankly there is none…. but because this is just plain old fashioned relaxing fun.
Here is my Top Five reasons why you should load up your car with lawn chairs, blankets, boom box, snacks… and take the drive to Lakeport Auto Movies:

1. It’s like having a picnic AND a movie!
2. You see shooting stars
3. You get fresh air
4. You can pretty much set up a mini living room in front of your car, minus the remote.
5. They have a FM station you can tune your radio to, for those who are anti-AM

IF you truly want to see a certain movie in all it’s movie glory….. go see it at an indoor theater. However, if you’re looking for a great night out with friends and family, this is a fun option that you might keep in mind!

Another Blog….

And here I go again….

I’ve got plans… but they still are cart-wheeling around in my head and have not settled yet. When they do, you’ll be the first to know! Writing is what I do, though it’s not what I’ve been doing lately.  I miss it.

Too much time on my hands….

Thinking outside of the box, I have my moments. This blog starts off describing one of them…

I’ve not been writing, not really. I’ve not been accomplishing much of anything. Ever the pro-active-get-it-resolved-type-o-gal…. I thought about how I could get on track again. AND, it was that little brain conversation with myself that lead to my buying a kitchen timer. My reasoning was that I could totally commit 15 minutes of my life to anything. So, instead of staring off into space, or doing the O.C.D loop of checking and rechecking my emails/messages…. I could set the timer and commit to random projects. The plan was to set the timer and go at it in cleaning the garage. Set the timer and start cleaning my room. Set the timer and do the dishes. Set the timer and write. Set the timer and read….

So far… I’ve been using the timer to time naps.

Sleeping has been productive….

One day I came home for my lunch break,and upon driving into my driveway, I was greeted by a sinking feeling and a feeling of utter disappointment. Why? Because, as I drove up and caught sight of my overgrown lawn, I remembered my dream of the night before… I dreamed that I had woken up and someone had mowed my lawn. I didn’t know who had mowed it, only that it was beautiful. On my lunch break, back in the reality where lawns don’t mow themselves, I actually experience a moment of shock over my lawn not having been mowed. The disappointment I experienced motivated me to come home that evening and mow my lawn. That night, when I went to bed, I secretly hoped (with all my might) that I would not have the phantom mower mow my back lawn in my dream…. because I just didn’t have the energy to tackle that project!

Book Burnings and Misplaced Keys….

I am not happy with my diary at the moment. I have not kept an old school diary in ages…. and I don’t know that I’ve ever filled one up. This one, all covered in diner shop coffee cup photo’s, is two pages from being filled.  It’s not even four months old and two more pages and I’ll have filled it up….

All of a sudden I’ve got the urge to burn it, one page at a time. I don’t want to reread what these last four months have held for me…. No, I just want to burn it…

Problem is that I don’t have a fire place. I could rip it up into little pieces and go at it in a meticulous-ever-so-slightly-off-her-rocker sort of way. But that’s not it at all. I had this idea, when I started writing, that I would be in a better place at the end of the book. But I’m not. I’m not in a worse place either… but I’m certainly not any closer to being where I want to be.

Maybe I can rip it up in and put it in the blender and make a sort of mulch… then put it out in my garden… oh, wait… I’ve not got a garden. That would seem a bit symbolic and meaningful. Sort of like planting a placenta. Except, it would be my words that sprang from my brain….. and not some icky substance that came out of my uterus.

And…. in her own A.D.D way, she abruptly changes the subject…

When I was a little girl my parents split up more times than Posh Spice (um, Victoria Beckham to those non-musically inclined readers) changes looks. And each time… I knew… I KNEW that this was just a blip on my little life’s radar…. that sooner or later, mommy and daddy would get back together again. AND they did. They always did.

But the thing of it was, that it was this vicious circle…. of arguing, threats, blowups, and moving apart… like the directions on a shampoo bottle… lather, rinse, repeat…

I think that in my early relationships I repeated this cycle. Because there is some kind of comfort in the getting back to the familiarity of where you were… even if it was dysfunctional as hell.

As a child and from a child’s perspective, it felt as if life always worked out. That mommy and daddy always ended up back together…

As an adult, I’ve learned… through trial and error… that life does NOT always work out. That sometimes things don’t get back together… and you must move on.

This has been a painful lesson. Though, I hope… in the long run, one that allows happiness in.

I, for a while, didn’t feel like I had any sort of compass to guide me. I didn’t have any solid example from my parents, I no longer have religion…… but finally… FINALLY…. I’ve found my compass in an unusual way:  I ask myself, “WHAT advice would I give Sonora?”  I love Sonora more than any other human on this planet. I want her to have a happy life, for her to find her passion and pursue it,  to not waste her days in dead end jobs or going nowhere relationships….. but rather for her to thrive and be happy. That is my goal, this happiness, whenever I disperse any sort of advice her way.

Interestingly enough, it’s not so easy to give myself advice… so lately… when I find myself in a bind, as to what I’m supposed to do. I ask myself what would you tell Sonora.

Funny… I don’t always like the advice I would tell Sonora. In fact, some of the times I fight it. Like today…. I “broke off” dating with the man I’ve been seeing for the last two months. It was a very hard thing to do. I am totally into him… but there were certain things that he and I didn’t see eye to eye on… these were deal breakers for me. I knew that I would continue to be hurt…. and not happy…. if I were to try to ignore and pretend that I was okay with certain things. So, I told him how I felt…. and we decided to “take a break”…. which everyone knows is code words for: relationship ended.

I cried. I cursed my lack of luck in love….and then I did what anyone with *O.W.D would do… I walked.

(*obsessive walking disorder)

The second I closed my front door I knew that I’d forgotten my keys. I practically dumped my purse out on the lawn… but no keys. I swear I’ve never said the F-word as often as I’ve said it in the last two days! So, I have to climb my fence and use my garbage can to climb through a window. Thankfully it was warm enough for me to have had the damn window open. NOT that it was warm… but I was airing out my house.

ANYway… I climb in and get my keys. I take off walking… I decide to go to Taco Bell, since I really had not eaten and it was a destination with some distance to it. I get to Taco Bell and find that they are still under construction for their remodel and only the drive thru is open. DAMN IT! I contemplate getting in line with the other cars….. but decide that I would just piss somebody off who could see through my NOT having a car facade. I opted to walk to McDonalds instead. I hate McDonalds. Though, I do love a McFLurry.

I walk off with my McFlurry…. and think… because that’s what I do when I walk, I think. I decided that at some point in this evening I was going to force myself to write. So, after a bit of sushi and wine… and then a bit more wine…. here I am writing.

As I walked home, I past the spot where the psychic I see puts up shop and has her readings. The sign says she’s in today…. so, I think, “why not….”  She knows me. I’ve been to her a few times, though not lately. She always needs something to hold that is “personal”… I never really come prepared, so I always end up giving her my keys.

She holds my keys and closes her eyes. She says that things have improved since I last saw her… that she’d always seen me in blackness…. but this time I’m in twilight.

I like this.

She says that with twilight the colors are about to break through…. and that things are looking brighter for me. The colors are near….

As for my latest “love”… she says that she sees that he’s not ready yet… that he’s unsure…

She’s correct… she’s exactly dead on.

Skeptics be damned! I left her little curtained off “office” feeling better. Feeling hopeful, because it is true… even though I had to end things today, I am setting boundaries, limits, and standards. EVEN when it’s hard to do…even when I would have much preferred to have him visit this weekend and cuddle into him… ultimately, I need to look out for the big picture….. and for myself.

I’m very sad over the end of this relationship,or whatever it was we were involved in during these last two months…. he is a beautiful man.  IF it were meant to be, it will find it’s way again.

But, until then…. I have to take care of myself.  And yes, I’m holding out for bells and banjo’s.

Meanwhile…. I need to find a place to burn my diary.  I wonder if I could make a fire pit in my backyard….

One sick puppy…

Today I left work early because I’m not feeling well. On the way home I stopped to get supplies:

  • Dog bones, the kind that are filled with doggie yum goodness
  • Doggie peanut butter chews
  • Doggie raw hide chews
  • Doggie assorted flavor mini-biscuits to use as Kong stuffers
  • Doggie gourmet soft food… to use as Kong stuffers
  • New Vanilla & Sandalwood essential oil candle… it smells like a man! Hahaha… oh gawd, but it does! I got it to cancel out the wet dog smell.
  • Pepto-Bismol… for my misbehaving stomach

And with that shopping I am ready to keep my dogs occupied and distracted (I hope!) so that I can actually get some rest.

Though…. By the barking Lola… Lola is having none of this “I’m sick” stuff. She sees that my legs arefunctioning and that’s good enough for her to expect that I’ll be taking them for a walk!