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Balloon. Needle. Pop.

I get an IM today that potentially changes everything. It went something like this:

HIM: Did you know that the free IVF is going to cost $5000??


HIM: Yea, that’s not exactly free…

ME: I knew we’d have to pay for some test, but I thought my tests were going to cost somewhere in the range of $1600 out-of-pocket.

HIM: Yea, but you didn’t include my tests…

ME: Your tests???

HIM: The semen analysis costs $2000

ME: It’s going to cost you $2000 to watch porn and catch it in a cup?!??

This baffles me because yesterday, during the consultation, there was little said about all of these hidden costs. In fact, it wasn’t until they started telling me all of the appointments I was to schedule on this coming Friday and Monday that they started throwing prices in the air. I’d catch a $250 here and a $450 there… all the while scribbling each figure down. That’s how I came up with the $1600.

HE is, apparently, a bit more savvy than I…. since he decided to call and clarify the costs….. and that’s where my blissful-baby-bubble went POP.

So, the hard cold facts as we know it is now this: FREE = somewhere between $4000-5000… give or take $500. AND that $4000-5000, give or take $500, is BEFORE we’re even accepted into the FREE program.

GAH! I know it’s not a “gimmick” because it was a real facility, at a real hospital ,with real doctors and shiiit. However, it was definitely misleading. I wish that they’d spelled it out BEFORE the $288 consultation…. even in the small print, because I swear- I would have read it…. word for word.

So what to do. What to do.

I think I’ve already established that we do not have the bank roll of Celine Dion and we’ve already broke into saving to pay OUT OF POCKET to have my tubal ligation reversal surgery. OUT. OF. POCKET. Yea, and out-o-pocket ain’t cheap!

The “FREE” was appealing…. a bit blinding to the 40-year-old-my-eggs-are-numbered-me…. But at the end of the day, I’m a pretty realistic woman. Though I’m emotional as the next “infertile” woman, I am also a realist. I can’t NOT think about how IF we spend the $4000-5000 and NOT get accepted into the program, we’ll be out $4000-5000 and have NOTHING to show for it except maybe some numbers on a piece of paper…. numbers that will just confirm that I’m a 40 year old woman who is of “advanced maternal baby making age….”

This depresses me. I fully understand that this baby-less state that we find ourselves in is solely due to my age. HE could go out and hook up with numerous other woman out there his age and BOOM….that 30 year old chick is knocked up. But with me…. well, it’s just not happening.

Having progeny is important to him. I get that. I did that. I LOVE love LOVE that I have a mini-me running around on this planet…. and I want to be able to give that to him too. I want him to experience how wicked cool it is to look at your child and see yourself in them.

For me, it is this baby making thing that is the hardest thing about dating someone younger than I. Because….. like I said before, I’m the one and only glitch… the 40 year old baby making faux pas… among the two of us. And that is totally and utterly depressing.

We’ve decided to put off deciding if we’re going to beg out until later tomorrow afternoon. But I don’t think I’m going to hold my breath on this one….

Balloon. Needle. POP.


  1. Lee says:

    So disappointing…but a couple of things popped out at me while reading this entry, Sandy.

    Firstly, has a semen analysis been done previously?? If so, can’t it simply be shared between your health care providers to save that cost? If not, why not?????! It should have been done prior to your tubal reversal..? Does he have a good count as well as good ‘swimmers’? Being 30 does NOT guarantee fertility.

    Further to that, have they done a hysterosalpingogram to confirm your tubes are completely clear since the reversal? In fact, there is some evidence that immediately post hystero, pregnancy rates rise…presumably due to the dye pushing through & clearing out the tubes…

    How much is IVF in CA? It’s only a few $1000 (yeah, ONLY! lol) more, from start to finish, here in Canada, so I’m wondering about saving $ for a few years & then doing straight IVF or for that matter, taking out a loan for the procedure as time is an issue?

    What about trying IUI, which is much less invasive (& presumably less expensive), but can up your chances with each cycle?

    And now I have a few important comments for you, my friend:
    a) you’re ONLY 40! &
    b) this would be happening if your love was 40 as well, so it really hasn’t anything to do with your respective ages…I know, cause here I sit, in the same boat except my partner is only 3 months my junior!

    With IVF, you’d still be using your own eggs & the success rates are very good at your YOUNG age…they only plummet over 44, in fact, & it’s not until you hit 45 that donor eggs would be required. You are still FIVE years away from that situation, ya youngster! 😉

    When I expressed feeling as you do (depressed/my fault tubal/he could find a 30 yr old etc), my partner looked at me like I had 3 heads & immediately came back with ‘Why the hell would I want to do that?! I want a baby with YOU, not with just ANYone!”. Oh, ok then. lol

    Remind yourself regularly, that he loves YOU & therefore wants a baby with YOU, not ‘he wants a baby & you just happen to be the woman he’s with at the moment’!

    Keep your chin up, & trust it will happen at the right time & in the right way, for you both!

  2. Sandy says:

    Thanks Lee!! I didn’t know about the hysterosalpingogram! I think that would be a very good thing for us to look into. I’m going to write an update blog, maybe later tonight. My guy found another clinic that is doing the same study, but they have been MUCH MORE helpful! Apparently it’s up to the clinic how they handle certain preliminary tests. This new clinic, out of SF, has been very helpful with suggestions on how to get some of the tests done cheaper… like having my doctor order some of the blood work and stuff like that. Because if they order the blood work, it’s coded differently and is not covered by my insurance. I think it has to do with it being coded for infertility, from an infertility clinic, and my insurance does not cover anything infertility related.

  3. Lee says:

    Glad I could help in some small way…nice to be putting my gazillion +1 hours of research to good use! lol VERY happy to hear you have found a more helpful medical team; it can make all the difference.
    Similar issues on this side of the border re covered/not covered, but we’ve been super lucky on that front. Our national health care doesn’t cover anything related to tubal reversal (although tubal was), but because I had adhesions from my c-section 24 yrs ago, several tests & also the hospital stay were coded as being adhesion-related rather than for reversal, so saved us a bunch of cash.
    The hystero test is also used to detect size & location of fibroids, so hey, push comes to shove, you could indicate to your regular Dr that you’re having an issue with heavy bleeds & request that test specifically.
    Keep us posted with your progress!